Saturday, June 21, 2008

What would you do?



This is something that happened to me the other day: I have been thinking about it alot. I wonder what I should have or could have done.



I was taking the train into town from work. As with all the other people I waited at the train station for the 4.16 to arrive. It was cold outside and most people were shivering from the cold east wind that blows straight down the platform. When the train arrived we shuffled quickly into the carriage, all of us looking for an unoccupied seat. The carriage itself was already relatively crowded - most of the double or triple seats already had at least one person taking up space. I found a seat at the back and proceeded to study the other occupants - careful not to catch thier eyes. There were at least 25 people scattered throughout the carriage. Just next to me across the aisle were two guys that looked like uni students, laden with books and engaged in conversation. Further up were people of all ages and cultures. Almost at the furthest end away from me, near the front was a very young woman - perhaps 17 but certainly no more than 20. She had a pram in front of her and kept looking daggers at a child of about 4 that was walking slowly up the aisle. Suddenly she exploded in a tirade of abuse at the child.


" Get back here you filthy slut. I'm gonna fkn smash you if you dont come back"


The little girl kept walking towards me. I smiled at her and she smiled tenuously back.


The young woman with the pram yelled again. " I told you get back here or i'll put you off the train and welfare can have you. Nobody wants you anyway you little cnt. Get back here now".


All this time not one person one the train spoke up. All eyes were on the floor. So were mine mostly. I felt appalled for the little girl but also wished that I wasn't even there. How dare this young mother upset our ride home from work with this uncouth display of bad behaviour!


As the tirade continued I started to fear for the immediate safety of the little girl. The mother got more and more suggestive of the physical harm that she would inflict on the girl until finally the mother got up and looked like she was going to hit the child. At this stage I jumped up and went to sit right next to the young mother - I didnt know what else to do. All I wanted to do was distract her and let her know that the people on the train DID see what was happening, even if no-one acknowledged it.


It turned out the woman was 19. She had been living on the streets for the past 3 months.She had nowhere to go and was clearly way beyond the point of rational thought. For her life was just about where to sleep and how to eat each day and night. Her little girl bore the brunt of all the stress and fear. I offered the young mum a meal and respite for an hour or so of watching her child. She turned it down. I offered help trying to find a place to sleep for the night. She turned it down. I spoke on behalf of her child explaining my fear and sadness to be a part of this. She looked at me like I was crazy.


I sat with the woman and her child for the rest of the trip into town - a 12 minute journey.


When the train arrived the young mum sat her child in the pram and raced away. I quickly lost them in the crowd even though I tried to follow them with my eyes.


Now I think about them every day. I hold grave fears for the little girl. I hold sadness for the mum. I hold anger for all the other people on the train that did nothing. I hold shame that I did nothing but talk and I wonder what should I have done? What will I do next time?

5 comments:

  1. Thanks Lud for telling us this story - far out mate, I feel your pain, what a soul disturbing experience. I feel lke crying for the girl. You did well to talk with Mum - most people wouldn't even do that. As you spoke with her you could start to understand where Mum was coming from - everyone else would have no idea of mums story. You showed her that someone cares, that will speak loud to her - she probably didn't take up your offer coz she's not used to such acts of kindness - she may have even taken it the wrong way (what does this guys want...) Aren't public places like this funny - we are all sharing the same space, doing the same thing but no-one ever acknowledges anything!! It's so weird - no one wants to stand out (or stand up for someone in distress). Thankyou for doing something!
    I've been thinking about the recent accounts of children being severely abused (some dying) at the hands of parents that I have been hearing in the media. The same question rings - why aren't the neighbors doing anything - the person down the street, in one case why wasn't the extended family doing something- it makes me sick to the stomach. Does our society not care THAT MUCH THAT CHILDREN ARE DYING? How do we teach our communities about integrity, empathy, kindness, caring, accountability? Are these things lacking coz of a lack of tolerence to people who are different: race, culture, socio -ecomonics, sexuality, young? Is it fear? WHy are we so judgemental, so prejudice?
    I hope you bump into her again Lud.

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  2. Thanks lots for that Chris.
    I might see if I can find some research that identifies why we are so unable to go and help/support people that obviously need it.
    I remember going to hear David Suziki talk years ago at Adelaide Uni. He mentioned that some things are just too BIG for individuals to actually understand ( he meant that we arent developed enough phyiologically for our brain to process it) BUT....
    I dont think that is the case in a situation like this because it IS a small incident that we can see, hear and feel. Perhaps we teach so much about insulation and individualism that we forget how to feel the suffering of others.

    The recent media coverage IS sickening - but maybe the media needs to take some responsibility for this. They only report this because it is shocking. Maybe they should start looking at thier values and the place they hold supporting, glamorising,and vilifying our community. Maybe they should report on thier own shocking insensitivity.

    Thanks for reponding to this post: Kiss your family.

    Lud

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  3. Anonymous6:04 AM

    Hi,
    You did all the right things. You offered genuine help. What a shame she was so angry with everything she refused. I often wonder why society values children so little? Always a small prison sentence for abusers? We whine about the cost of a baby-sitter or child care? A killed child is so soon forgotten? Daniel died for nothing!! Can we try to change the average joe to CARE?

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  4. Anonymous1:31 PM

    That must have been a horrible experience - I admit I'm not sure what I would have done in that situation - I'd like to think I would have tried to talk to the girl as well, but I can't be sure I would have - especially if I was tired, stressed or in a bad mood myself?

    I too find it really bizarre the way people act in public places - it's obvious that everyone could hear the way the mother was speaking to her little girl, yet did nothing - why? - politeness, fear, apathy?

    Even if this young woman did turn down your offer, now she will always have at least one experience of someone treating her like a human being worth caring about.

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  5. Thanks for those last 2 comments:
    I also wonder why it seems that children are valued so little and how DO we encourage the part within us that cares to REALLY act - in all situations.

    Although judging from these comments people DO care., and it makes me feel better.
    Thanks

    I was reading in todays advertiser about the events of the last several days here in Adelaide - "Fourteen children and three adults at the centre of a child neglect investigation have been removed from thier house"

    The media reported on this like it was something that they had no part in . That they were just observing. This seems a bit like the other passengers that were on the train with me. They were all just observing - and observation isnt enough.

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