Brilliant post by Melissa Fabello that I found on Adios Barbie  Adios Barbie is sort of the one stop body image shop

By Melissa A. Fabello 

As a sex educator with a specialization in body image, I receive a lot of anonymous messages in my Tumblr inbox from people wanting to know if their body is “good enough” for sex.

Will my boyfriend be disgusted if my breasts are uneven? How small is “too small” for a penis? How do I get over the fear of my body jiggling when I’m on top?

And overwhelmingly, increasingly:

Is my vagina dirty? How do I know if my vagina looks/smells/tastes right? Can I use soap “down there?” Or perfume or deodorant or douches? Should I shave? Should I get surgery?

It’s exhausting.

Believing strongly in comprehensive sex education – that is, that everyone deserves access toall information – I find these questions tremendously difficult to answer. On the one hand, I have to be honest with my followers and let them know the truth about how their body works and which “solutions” to their “problems” exist and are safe. But I also need to steer them in the right direction toward body-positivity. I give them their answers, but I also make sure to explain that the real problem is the one that’s inside of their head – that the voice nagging that their bodies just aren’t right is what’s really wrong.

That’s not the answer that they’re looking for. But it’s the truth.

Part of teaching people to accept, own, and respect their bodies and the bodies of others is helping them to unlearn the social myths that they’ve been sold and to provide accurate information about their bodies. So, for women with vaginas*, here’s a primer that outlines four myths that keep us from loving our vulvas – and from loving ourselves.

CLICK HERE to read more

Fantastic Infopak called Vagina and Vulva; Your guide to your Va-Jay-Jay

Fantastic Images and interesting as well.: Thanks to sincitysexblog for this and to all the tumblrs who have passed this on.


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What enhances sexual health?

I have just been reading lots of information regarding working with people with sexualised behaviours and sex offenders. One of the articles really struck a chord. The basic premise in this article is  that treatment imlpications should focus on working on a persons

• self esteem
• shame
• cognitive distortions (thoughts)
• empathy

This is not so different from the ideas that we have been saying for years in terms of sexual health and relationships education. SHARE is not just about giving the facts. It is also in a large part linking sexual health facts into the above 4 points, helping people explore these issues as it relates to them and helping them build on their own self belief to develop positive expressions of sexuality.

I will give an example of the above four points and relate them to Sexual Health and Relationships Education;

 Self Esteem: In a recent discussion with a young man he was saying that he would never get a girlfriend because as a lover he was as exciting as 'limp cabbage'

As it turns out this young man had never had sexual relationships beyond kissing. One of the people he had kissed said that his kiss was as exciting as limp cabbage. His sexual self esteem plummeted as a result of this and he decided to believe there was nothing he could do about this so he had better just 'give up'. Well we did some education about kissing/sex/intercourse/relationships/relationship skills.It was his knowledge that was lacking. In his case the partial solution was to educate and provide a safe space to explore his issues.

Shame: In a small group of young women the discussion turned to vulvas and it quickly became apparent that almost all of these young women were ashamed of THEIR OWN vulvas. Not only that but several of these women stated that they will never let someone (including themselves) explore their vulvas because they did not want them being compared to other peoples vulvas (mostly compared to vulvas they had seen on the internet). They made comments like " They are disgusting/dirty/weird. As it turns out this became a great session to explore such resoures as ' Petals' and 'I'll Show You Mine'.

I wish I had the big colouring book of vaginas at that stage.

Cognitive Distortions: A common cognitive distortion is from miscommunication theory that suggests that many incidents of coercion between heterosexuals are the result of miscommunication between men and women.The two most common being that" men overestimate women's interest in sex and women give token resistance to sex" (Melanie Beres 2009). Clearly these are distortions that we as SHARE educators can work on.

Empathy:: This is a bit of a hard one to describe and to give ideas on ways to work on it. Marshall, Hudson and Jones in 1995 offered a theoretical framework of four stages.

1. recognition of anothers emotional state
2. viewing the world from anothers perspective
3. experiencing compassion or replication of observed emotion
4. taking action to ameliorate others distress.

The way we tend to explore the idea of empathy in SHARE work is to ensure that we cover issues of diversity, sexual violence etc and explore these in terms of how people feel and respond. What current research is saying in terms of empathy is that empathy is situational (for example many people will not feel empathy for  a villain - or perceived villain). Therefore in SHARE work it is important to explore ranges of situations from many angles to expand on young peoples awareness of empathy.

vulvalovelovely

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that the vulva needs to be included in our discussions about body image.

Here is a young woman discussing this very thing. have a look.

Body image - also includes vulva

Don't forget body image also includes vulvas: Something we often overlook, particularly in our conversations with young women. I recently came across this from SCARLETEEN


Introduction:
Freaking out because you think something must be wrong with your labia? Think again!
Author:
Heather Corinna

If we had to make a list of the top five questions we've gotten at the site over the last few years, "What's wrong with my labia?" would come right on the heels of "Am I pregnant?" "What's sex like?" and "Is it okay for me to have sex/masturbate?" and sit just in front of "Is my penis too small?" Whether more women are just asking about it than before, or concerns are growing, we've been seeing more and more -- often unfounded -- worries about labia as the years have gone by.
Here are some recent questions and comments we've had from women concerned about their labia:
I think my vagina lips are not normal. My inner lips are way way bigger then my outer ones! It wasn't like that when I was little! It really bugs me. I won't even let my boyfriend touch me there, cause I'm afraid he will think I'm not normal or something. My boyfriend has asked me if I wanted to have sex but I turned him down because of this. Is my vagina normal?
My inner vaginal "lips" stick out, is this normal? I'm insecure about it, and embarrassed to let my boyfriend see.
I've read a lot of your articles on labia but I still can't seem to get the thought of my own out of my head. Mine are big and noticeable which I know are normal but still bother me. I think it looks gross in certain underwear and I am very insecure about it. At times I even try to tuck them in so you can see them. I am 16 and started noticing this about a year or so ago. I am not sure if I was always like this or not. I've been with this guy for about 8 months and hes been down there with his hands and what not but I am a virgin and I was very skeptical about even letting him preform oral sex on me because of the reaction that he might have thinking it's disgusting. About a week ago at his house things started to get serious but kept my hands covering my vagina because I was nervous. He was confused at why I would do that and told me he really want to give me oral sex and I really wanted to. I eventually let him and he did not say one thing bout my larger labia. I was very surprised and pleased but couldn't shake the idea of what he really thought. I still consider surgery when I turn 18 for myself. I just cannot get the thought that I look gross out of my mind. I really need help on what I should do.

GO HERE TO READ MORE