Using condoms: still feels good

I was reading a link in an  article from the Centre For Sexual Pleasure and Health that struck a chord with me.
Many times in my work with young people (particularly young men) I hear that "using a condom takes away from my pleasure." Well there actually isn't much research around about this aspect of pleasure at all. So this latest article from the  Journal of Sexual Medicine, which looked at how heterosexual-identified men experienced sexual pleasure during condom-protected vaginal sex.


Researchers from the Section of Adolescent Medicine at the Indiana University School of Medicine and the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University noticed that there was a void in the current sexual health literature on condom usage with regards to sexual pleasure. In general, studies tend to just compare the pleasure reported by men who either do or do not use condoms, and often wind up with results claiming that condom usage is not compatible with male sexual enjoyment. However, these studies ignore the other components of sexual pleasure or the various other characteristics and behaviors of men who use condoms, such as what sex acts they engage in, how they feel about the sex that they have, or their demographic characteristics. To combat this deficiency in data, the investigators of this study proposed this research to examine the association between condom use and sexual pleasure when all participants use condoms consistently, correctly, and completely, allowing for an understanding of the range of factors that affect sexual pleasure and enjoyment.


Go HERE to read more

Callenge our thinking

SEXAUL ACTIVITY AND SEXAUL SATISFACTION ARE NOT THE SAME THING:

Here is part of a posting from one of my favourite bloggers Cory Silverberg from about.com.

Below he gives some insight into sexual health statistics but also about our beliefs about desire and satisfaction. Have a read.

A study published this week in the American Journal of Medicine challenges some of ways we tend to think about and talk about sex and aging, and as importantly, challenges the dominant medical frame on sexuality, which focuses on dysfunction rather than satisfaction or pleasure.
The study asked just over 800 women aged 40 to 99 to respond to surveys about their recent sexual activity, overall sexual satisfaction, and sexual desire. The women were not representative of the general population, they all came from suburb of San Diego and have been involved in a longitudinal research project called the Rancho Bernardo Study which began in 1972. So the findings shouldn't be thought of as highly generalizable, but instead as an interesting snapshot of one group of women in one place at one time.
The women were asked if they had engaged in sexual activity in the past four weeks. In this study sexual activity was described as including caressing, foreplay, masturbation, and penile-vaginal intercourse. In analyzing the data the researchers divided the women into four age groups, each with about 200 women in them. Here are some of the basic findings of the study:
50% of the women reported having had sex in the previous 4 weeks and 80% of those women were living with a partner/spouse.
40% of all respondents said that they never or almost never felt sexual desire, and 30% of women who were having sex said they felt low, very low, or no sexual desire.
64% of all respondents said they were moderately or very satisfied with their sexual relationship.
64% of women who had sex in the past 4 weeks reported being aroused most times, almost always, or always.
67% said they achieved orgasm most times, almost always, or always; women in the youngest and oldest groups reported the highest orgasm satisfaction.
These findings highlight how slippery statistics are. After all, if I chose to tell you that 40% of women over forty years old said they almost never felt sexual desire you'd probably feel bad for those women, right? But of those women 67% who were actually having sex almost always had orgasms, 64% felt aroused and were satisfied with the sex they were having. So which number matters most?
This is the problem with quantitative research; it can never answer that question. But this study does give us a lot more to think about. For example: GO HERE TO READ MORE

Sexual Communication

Interesting that we dont often talk openly about the kinds of communcation we use between sexual partners. Just like all other forms of communication there are specific ways that we speak ( or dont speak), touch, look, invade/engage in other peoples space etcetc:

I have just been reading a great little article on communicating in sexual health.(Uni of Sydney course notes) It quotes a beatiful passage from the book Urge by G. Morrissey ( 2002) (pg 112-113)

" Whispering sweet nothings, dirty talk, groaning, shouting his/her name, yes yes yes, are all good forms of communication, but they arent particularly helpful in terms of giving good head. If something isnt working for you SPEAK UP! Or if you are wondering whether what you are doing is hitting hte right spot, Ask."

This just made me wonder? When we teach young people about sexual health and relationships, should we also be teaching about how to communicate in a sexual situation??

EROTOPHOBIA

Have you ever heard this term ' erotophobia' before. It refers to our fear of teaching about pleasure in nour sexual health and relationships education. There is an argument that until we are able to discuss sex positive information, until we are able to eroticise our sexual health education we wont be fully providing our young people with enough knowledge, tools etc etc to make informed decisions regading thir own sexual health and relationships.

Here is an abstract from an article that outlines this thinking very well:

The pursuit of pleasure is one of the primary reasons people have sex; and sex is the most common way people contract HIV worldwide. Yet information about how to have (or deliver) pleasurable sex and stay healthy are largely missing from health resources and HIV prevention campaigns. Wendy Knerr and Anne Philpott explore how `erotophobia' in the health and development sectors is hindering effective safer sex promotion, and highlight best practices from The Global Mapping of Pleasure, 2nd Edition, a collection of case studies on pleasure and safer sex communication from countries and contexts around the world.Development (2009) 52, 95-100. doi:10.1057/dev.2008.79

The Pleasure Project

Just thought I would re-bring this to the attention of readers.

The Pleasure project

The Pleasure Project is an educational, advocacy and research initiative that promotes safer sex that feels good.
While most safer sex and HIV prevention programmes are negative and disease-focused, The Pleasure Project is different: we take a positive, liberating and sexy approach to safer sex. Think of it as sex education ... with the emphasis on 'sex'. We aim to make sex safer by addressing one of the major reasons people have sex: the pursuit of pleasure.

Go here to have a look at the site:
You can find information about work happening in India, The UK, and all over. You will read about the vaginal wall exhibition and the global mapping of pleasure. Go in and have a look

The Pleasure Project

Its been awhile since I mentioned this site but I just another explore for myself and it is really good.
Go on and have a look here
There are all sorts of things like

• Whats in the news


• What were up to


• sexy tips

Here is what they say they are doing.

While most safer sex and HIV prevention programmes are negative and disease-focused, The Pleasure Project is different: we take a positive, liberating and sexy approach to safer sex. Think of it as sex education ... with the emphasis on 'sex'. We aim to make sex safer by addressing one of the major reasons people have sex: the pursuit of pleasure

safety PLEASURE respect forum

On Tuesday night the 19th of Febuary the forum on Safety Pleasure Respect

exploring the concept of pleasure in sex education, was held.



We had 34 people in attendance coming from a variey of work and non work situations. There were DRs, nurses,youth workers, community health workers, teachers, peer educators, trainers and more.

The forum started with a brief 'sex education' video clip taken from Monty Pythons, "The Meaning of Life" (chapter 5 or 6)

From here there was a panel of 4 young people answering pre set questions about sex and pleasure - giving the room a perspective about sexual health and relationships education that some had perhaps not heard before. The panel were a hilite of the forum, speaking with a frankness and honesty that is so often lacking in the discourse of pleasure. (Below are the questions asked of the panel)


Panel questions - Scenario

“ You have been asked to be on a triple J radio show discussing the merits of education about pleasure/sex in sex education programs – Triple J has just taken up some research that had been tabled in Parliament citing that ‘ sex education in this country is failing because we are missing a discourse on pleasure and young people want a discourse on pleasure in their sex education’

Question 1: Why do most programs encourage young people to have LESS sex and focus on the risks and harm minimisation when research indicates an active sex life is important for one's sense of well-being ?


Question 2: “The reproductive focus of sex education and its silence on sexual pleasure, female desire, and relationships does little to communicate effective strategies for managing sexual safety.”
How would you define pleasure and what do YOU think is the relationship between pleasure and sexual behaviour?


Question 3: Do you think that including education for pleasure (for young people) could have a role in creating safer and healthier environments for women, where violence is tolerated less? Why/why not?


Question 4: Are you aware of myths about orgasms and sex? If so what are some of these AND how could you overcome these myths?


Question 5: “The orgasm gap” 7% of men ages 18 – 29 do not achieve orgasm versus 26% of women ages 18 to 29 and 79% of boys have an orgasm with first intercourse compared to 7% of girls.
Why do you think it is ? AND Is there anything that might be done to change this discrepancy?


Question 6: Just over a quarter (25.9%) of all sexually active students report that they have had unwanted sex at some time in their lives.
In your opinion is sex ONLY about pleasure if not what else is it about? Do you think education about pleasure would make a difference to these statistics?


Question 7: Unsafe sex is the second most important risk factor for disability and death in the world’s poorest communities and the ninth most important in developed countries. Every year, more than 120 million couples have an unmet need for contraception, 80 million women have unintended pregnancies (45 million of which end in abortion), more than half a million women die from complications associated with pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period, and 340 million people acquire new gonorrhoea, syphilis, chlamydia, or trichomonas infections.
How could you discuss sexual intercourse in a way that would make people feel less uncomfortable? What could you tell people about sexual intercourse that might make a change to the figures quoted before?


Question 8: Overall 80% of same sex attracted young people found sex education at school to be useless or fairly useless. In other research young people say sex education is too little, too late and too biological.
What do you think effective sexuality education might look like?






After the panel (and after some giggles/laughs/food and a break) the participants were asked to do some groupwork and answer some questions themselves.


Below are the outcomes of group exercise that asked participants to answer three questions.

1. What does sexual pleasure mean?


2. How would you justify including this in a program?


3. What would pleasure in a sexuality education program look like.

COLLATED GROUPWORK RESPONSES

What does sexual pleasure mean?

Different things to different people makes you feel good/vibrant/tingle
Choice good about yourself
Orgasm anticipation
An experience you want to repeat strengthening an emotional bond
Individual feeling good – safe comfortable
Intimacy close/intimate/aroused
Without fear not necessarily having intercourse
More than just a pleasurable act not necessarily physical/could be emotional
The setting very individual and different at different times
Contains respect and trust experimentation
Enjoyable release
Allows you to share and trust alone or with others
Tantric stimulation
Melding connectedness
Touch/erotic desire
Arousal fun
Comfortable sharing
Communication giving / receiving


How would you justify including this in a program?

· How can you not?
· Natural/primal
· Empowering – knowing it’s okay to feel pleasure
· Consequences of leaving it out are endless ( low expectations/guilt/bad relationships
· Knowing- expectations-what your bottom line is
· Respect for self and others
· A promotion of safety/individuality
· If you don’t link sex with pleasure it becomes more biological/clinical therefore not an individual experience
· Don’t teach it as sex education/teach it as sexual health and relationships
· A good title can soften/alter/widen/open perceptions about talking about it
· Sexual safety and boundaries
· Children /teens are doing it, we can’t shut our eyes to it
· We need to educate students
· Knowing yourself and what you like helps you make clearer choices for yourself
· If sexual pleasure is the agenda, individuals make better choices which lead to less regret/trauma/negative consequences
· Reducing risks
· Harm minimisation
· Better health outcomes
· If you put sex and pleasure together you put more on the menu
· Teaching young people to know and respect self makes better choices for individuals/better outcomes for all


What would pleasure in a sexuality education curriculum look like?

· Accepting that pleasure for one may not translate to another
· Communication needed for individual pleasure ( with self or partner)
· Achieving mutual goals
· Discuss the non pleasurable aspects of sex – abortion
· Not specific as its all individual – but to say there is a reasonable expectation that there will be pleasure
· From an early age – straight away
· Using all your senses – ‘pleasure principle’
· Intimacy stuff
· Respect for yourself and others

OUTCOME

Of course these questions (and other unplanned ones) led to lots of discussion. What we decided it that: THIS IS JUST A BEGINNING. If we are going to identify if and how pleasure should be included in sexual health and relationships education then we need lots more discussion. Sooooo in response I (Lud Allen) will set up a website forum where we can continue to interact and discuss this issue/trade information and research findings/ and support each other in this journey.

If you would like to be part of this discussion then send me an email (or leave a comment on this blog with your email) and I will add you to this discussion list and send you a message when the forum is set up.