Another from softnthefckup

Another great clip from Softnthefckup:

Tough Guise

If you like Jackson Katz the author of 'The Macho paradox' and one of my hero's, anti sexism advocate, anti violence advocate and social activist; then you may wish to watch his 1999 film 'tough guise' which can be located here at The Good Men Project.

The phrase “tough guise” implies that the tough guy act is just that: an act. In real life, toughness is not necessarily masculine, and masculinity is not necessarily tough, but if you ask American culture, it will tell you the two are the practically synonyms. The Marlboro Man. The Terminator. Rambo. Real men. Gandhi? You pussy.

Go have a look

Men? Women? Who is most likely to go in for an STI test

I was just looking through the clinic 275 statistics for 2010 in one of the  quarterly surveillance reports in 2010. what really struck me was that males only accounted for 30% of the people that go in for testing. This means that women account for 70% of those being tested. Of course we are going to continue to have spiraling numbers of young people with an STI if this trend does not reverse. We ( workers/parents/friends) need to support young men to go in and get tested. Stay tuned for a short mp4 of a young Adelaide man telling his stiry of getting tested.

softenthefckup

New site for young men, older men all men: Find out some facts and look at what this site has to offer: its here to help and support men. below is one of their blurbs

Down your beers then out-drink and out-fight us all? Sleep in the gutter and play footy in the morning? Yeah. Nice one.

When your mate Matt told you he’s feeling crap, you told him to “harden the fuck up”, or “suck it up, pussy”.

Or you probably didn’t know when your mates actually needed a chat or are feeling crap ‘cos you didn’t ask. I’m not talking about the chat you had at the game last Saturday, or at the pool table at that bar last summer.

Suicide is the leading cause of death amongst young folks and most of them are blokes.

Yeah, wtf right?

after your mates if something seems a bit off. Ask them if they’re okay. If they’re really okay. Ya gut will usually be right, even if your mate doesn’t wanna talk about it. Grab a beer and have a chat.

We’re standing up to be counted. We’re saying it’s time we chuck out that tough Aussie bloke stereotype and bring back the laid-back Aussies. Speak up if you’re not feeling right. Soften the fck up like a real man would.

Tell your mates and your bros. Get on Facebook and Twitter. Share your thoughts or experiences. So go on, be tough and go soft.

It is time to admit something is wrong or isn’t right and take action.

Men, Power, Hypersexuality

"What the media, and subsequently consumers, often misunderstand - and how could they know? - is that men with the triple threat of good looks, money, and power can often have a sordid history of sexually acting out. We seem to be shocked when a prominent figure gets caught in a less than desirable circumstance, but if we look deeper we begin to see an explicit pattern of compulsive and addictive sexual behavior that is only fuelled over time as their power and influence increase."

Sound interesting? Go here to read more of whats happening in this area.

Young men fake orgasms

Its sort of a standing joke when my friends and I speak about orgasms that many women have faked an orgasm. Rarely is it mentioned that young men ALSO fake orgasms. According to research published in the November issue of 'The Journal of Sex research' 25% of men also fake orgasm. Go here to read more.

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Men who engage in domestic violence

Men who engaged in domestic violence consistently overestimated how common such behavior is, and the more they overestimated it the more they engaged in abusing their partner in the previous 90 days, according to new research conducted at the University of Washington.

Those men overestimated by two to three times the actual rates of seven behaviors ranging from throwing something at a partner to rape, according Clayton Neighbors, lead author of a paper to be published in a spring issue of the journal Violence Against Women.

"We don't know why men make these overestimations, but there are a couple of likely reasons. Men who engage in violent behavior justify it in their mind by thinking it is more common and saying, 'Most guys slap their women around so it is OK to engage in it.' Or it could be that misperceptions about violence cause the behavior," said Neighbors, now a UW affiliate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences and a professor of psychology at the University of Houston. "Another way of looking at this would be wearing a red shirt. If you think everyone is wearing a red shirt then it is okay for you to wear one too. Or if you wear a red shirt you might overestimate the number of other people who are wearing red shirts," he said.

TO READ MORE GO HERE. THIS WILL HAVE IMPLICATIONS FOR THE WAY WE WORK WITH YOUNG MEN

XY Men Masculinities and Politics

It has taken me a long time to find this site: I dont know why! Below are some intro quotes from the site. Get on there and have a look around and join in. I will cetainly be exploring and engaging with this fantastic space.

"XY is a website focused on men, masculinities, and gender politics. XY is a space for the exploration of issues of gender and sexuality, the daily issues of men’s and women’s lives, and practical discussion of personal and social change.
XY is:
A forum for debate and discussion, including commentary on contemporary and emerging issues in gender and sexual politics;
A resource library or clearinghouse for key reports, manuals, and articles;
A toolkit for activism, personal transformation and social change. "

"XY is intended therefore to encourage men to involve themselves in personal and social change towards gender equality. It inspires men to develop respectful, trusting, and egalitarian relations with women, to promote equitable and liberatory ways of living and being, and to join with women in projects of gender equality and social justice.
XY is guided by two further principles: a commitment to enhancing men’s lives, and a recognition of diversities among men."

http://www.xyonline.net/

The Truth About Men Boys and Sex

Men, boys and sex

Most men think about sex several times a day. Across the
globe, on any given day, sexual intercourse happens 120
million times. In Nicaragua, one in three men first had sex before the age of 15, compared to one in 20 men in Ethiopia. By the age of 24, one in three sexually active people in the USA will have contracted a sexually transmitted infection (STI). In Japan, 35 per cent of people have sex weekly, compared to 71 per cent in Mexico. The country boasting the most amount of time actually spent on sexual intercourse is Brazil at 30 minutes. The quickest sexual
intercourse in the world is in Thailand, where it generally lasts 10 minutes. In the UK, 6.1 per cent of men reported that they had had a homosexual experience6 and in the USA 2.8 per cent of men identified themselves as gay or bisexual. Worldwide, 15.3 million men are living with HIV. As this snapshot of facts and figures shows, men and boys have different sexual desires, behaviour and experiences. A wide range of different programmes and policies are therefore needed to respond effectively to their differentsexual health needs. The evidence indicates that male involvement in effective and innovative sexual and reproductive health and HIV programmes is critical; for their own sake, for their partners and families, and for changing gender stereotypes of how men and women should act.

The above information ius taken from International Planned Parenthood Federation document 'The truth About Men boys and sex -Gender Transformative Policies and Programmes. Its well worth a read. Go here to read more.

Child Sexual abuse

For any of you who have worked with adult survivors of child sexual abuse you will know that the provision of a supportive, flexible , respectful accessable service is not always easy. When working with male survivors this difficulty can take many forms. I have recently come across a website that I think is pretty good. Its called 'living well' go here to have a look. It is a site designed for men who have experienced child sexual abuse or sexual assault

You will find topics such as:
Child sexual abuse
Adult Sexual Assault
Common Problems
Stories of acknowledgement and Hope
Relationships, sexuality and sex
Counselling etc

Young men and abortion

SO often young men are looked over when it comes to support and work around abortion.

This site may help if you are working with young men. Thanks to Craig - a loving man - for passing on this website:

http://www.menandabortion.com/

Lud

Mens Counselling - Start using it

FOR PEOPLE IN ADELAIDE

Recently I received this email:

"Hello all,
we have quite a few appointment spaces for our men's counselling services at both Morphett Vale and Hindmarsh, and a majority of these are free apts, please consider referring clients etc to our men's program. Please pass onto your networks as widely as possible.Thanks"

Regards,

Jim Roden
Men's Worker, Families in Focus

AnglicareSA
Family Centre South
197 South Rd
Morphett Vale 5162

PH : (08) 8392 3106
Fax: (08) 8392 3150

MEN’S COUNSELLING
Practical man to man advice and support

WHERE: ANGLICARE
197 South Rd
Morphett Vale
(Cnr. Conington Tce.)

And 184 Port Road
Hindmarsh (near the post office)

For an appointment at either office Please call: 8392 3100

So go on: Lets start using this much needed service

Men as victims of sexual assault

I want to approach the myth that men are not victims of sexual assault with this diagram ( taken from the Australian Institute of Criminology website).

While we know that women are overwhelmingly the majority of victims of sexual assault - this does not mean that men are not victims as well.

What is amazing to me is that while only .6% of men have been victims of sexual assault: THIS ACTUALLY TRANSLATES TO 42000 PEOPLE. ( Imagine what the actual numbers of women is!!!!!)

Yet again the perpetrators are almost always family members or friends: "Findings of sexual assault against men aged 18 and over in the 12 months before the survey include that 0.6 percent of men (42,300) experienced sexual assault, and that 44 percent (18,500) of these men experienced sexual assault by a family member or friend in the most recent incident, 35 percent (14,900) by an other known person and 33 percent (13,900) by a stranger".

The numbers of people in our society that are in some way effected by violence is staggering. The numbers of people that are effected by sexual violence is staggering.

Its time to bring this stuff into the open - to engage in discourse - to stop supporting the media in its condoning of violence-to stop supporting hyper masculinity - to stop the sexualisation of children and on and on.

All I can say is: I need it.